away

the rain is really coming down now. i like the feeling of being encapsulated in my apartment, dry and warm while a shield of rain shimmers outside. it's like my own little nest, just me and all of my things, safe.

three years ago today i left for south africa. i loaded a suitcase and a couple backpacks on the plane and said goodbye to my parents and cried in the ohare bathroom, and then picked myself up and left. how did i do that? it seems terrifying now. i like the secure feeling of my job and city that i know so well, where my biggest uncertainty is where to eat for lunch. i don't know if this is healthy. what happened to the woman who decided to leave it all behind for a new experience, six months in a new land where i knew no one and was on my own? it was exhilirating. i remember just taking it one step at a time. i continue to think about those months every day, miss the extraordinary people i met there, miss the challenges i faced. personal challenges. that i felt deep in my heart.

how to get that feeling back? i need to get outside of this comfort i built for myself. my nest with all my things. when it gets too easy maybe that's the time you need to make it harder. does harder=more worthwhile? yes. to me it does.